Bridesmaid

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.or so the old saying goes. If you have been recruited by a friend or family to stand up for them in their wedding as a bridesmaid or groomsman, remember this is an honor, even if the dress is bad.

Etiquette for the Bridesmaid and Groomsman
Etiquette is largely common sense, and that applies to wedding etiquette as well. It is the responsibility of the bridesmaid or groomsman to help and support the happy couple. The bridesmaids and groomsmen should regularly check in with the bride and groom, and see if they need help addressing invitations, making wedding selections, or staying organized. Many brides enjoy taking their bridesmaids along dress shopping, or having them there as moral support through the wedding planning phase.

Bridesmaids can also help with addressing wedding invitations, keeping records of gifts, organizing showers and the bachelorette party, and assisting the bride with any errands and planning. The bridesmaids should be conscientious when planning the shower and any associated parties that you invite everyone who should be invited. Consider speaking with the bride about who she would like to invite. The bride may also find it helpful to have the bridesmaids assist with dress selection and fitting, picking a menu, choosing flowers and other wedding tasks.

Throwing the Shower
If this is your first bridal shower, you may be feeling a bit lost and confused. Bridal showers can be women-only events, or you can host a couple's shower. Typically, the maid or matron of honor hosts the shower, but the other bridesmaids can certainly offer to assist with expenses, planning and details. If a family member chooses to host a family shower, the bridesmaids can offer help and assistance, or throw a shower for the bride's friends, or a couple's shower.

Everyone wants the shower to be memorable and fun. Shower games are popular, and one fun option is to ask all guests to bring a baby picture and try to identify them. The bridesmaids can choose to do an afternoon tea, a morning brunch, or even a cocktail hour or barbeque. Some of the more unusual options may be ideal for a couple's shower. All shower guests should be invited to the wedding. Consider throwing a theme shower. Some popular bridal shower themes are a kitchen shower, a lingerie shower, or a 24 hour shower, where each guest is assigned a time of day. Whether you throw a traditional afternoon tea for friends and family or a fun couple's barbeque, make the shower fun, tasteful, and memorable.

The Bachelorette Party
Planning the bachelorette party can be a lot of fun for the bridesmaids, but some common sense and good taste should be used. Be sure that the bride will be comfortable with whatever you are planning. There are many options for the bachelorette party and not all of them involve the old fashioned clichés of too many drinks and a stripper. Some women opt for a spa day with all their friends as a bachelorette party, or an outing they would all enjoy, such as dessert at a tea house or a night out dancing. Even one last weekend away with friends to relax during the rush of wedding planning can be a lovely bachelorette party idea.

The bride should never pay her own way at the bachelorette party, so keep it affordable for all of the guests at the party. Avoid planning the party for the night before the wedding, as the bride will likely have things to do, and needs her rest the night before. Make sure to plan time to toast the bride, and have a bit of fun. The bachelorette party can be a fun time to give those gifts that you might rather the bride’s grandmother not see. Regardless of what is planned, make the bachelorette a fun night with the girls celebrating friendship.

The Bridesmaid Dress
While we all laugh about the bad bridesmaid dresses of the past, fortunately many brides today are choosing dresses that are attractive, fit well, and can be worn again. Some brides even choose to allow each of their bridesmaids to choose a dress that best suits them, within a specific color, or even a specific fabric and manufacturer. This can spare the bridesmaids the annoyance of an expensive dress that will never be worn again. Your friends and family are likely thrilled to stand up with you at your wedding, but they would certainly prefer to look good doing it.

Typically, the dress, shoes, and necessary attire for the wedding are the attendant’s responsibility. Ideally, the bride will consult the bridesmaids on issues of style, and attempt to choose something flattering for all of them. Your bridesmaids will also appreciate it if you make budget friendly choices. Keep in mind that they may well not wear this ever again. A-line dresses are a popular choice as they are flattering for all body types. Column and halter dresses are also very stylish, but may be less figure friendly. It is also very trendy for bridesmaids to wear coordinating shawls. The shawls or a piece of jewelry might be a fine gift for your bridesmaids.

Wedding Responsibilities of the Bridesmaid
What are the bridesmaid’s duties and responsibilities on the wedding day? What can and should she do to help her friend or family member on her special day? The bridesmaids’ responsibilities may vary; however, she should expect to spend the day preparing for the wedding. The bridesmaid will be expected to attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner prior to the wedding. She may be asked to pick up flowers or tuxes, or run other errands before having her hair and make up done. Many weddings, particularly formal ones, will do some of the photographs prior to the wedding ceremony.

The bridesmaids will spend the time immediately prior to the wedding in the bride’s room, helping her prepare for her walk down the aisle. Her attendants will typically precede her down the aisle and stand with her during the ceremony. After the ceremony, expect to greet guests in the receiving line, if one is planned, or casually if one is not. The maid or matron of honor will typically make a toast at the reception and sit with the couple at the bride’s table. Some couples will choose to have the bridal party meet them for breakfast the following morning before they head off on their honeymoon, or the bridesmaids may be asked to help with keeping records of gifts given, return tuxedos or other similar tasks.

What Every Bridesmaid Should Know
There are a few things every bridesmaid should know. If a woman is asked to stand up for a friend, but is not sure if she can afford the expense or time, she should be honest with her friend. The bride would certainly rather have people in her wedding who want to be there, and if unable to serve as a bridesmaid, perhaps offering to do a reading at the wedding would be an option. Accepting the privilege of being a bridesmaid means accepting the responsibilities of a wedding attendant during the wedding planning and through the wedding day.

First, while an obvious statement, the wedding is not all about the bridesmaids, and should not be. Even if the dress is bad, even if the shoes hurt, the bridesmaids should try to be supportive and loving to their friend. While everyone hopes that they will be a gracious bride, if she is nervous and irritable, everyone should try to understand. A good bridesmaid will avoid saying negative things about the groom, groomsmen, or his family, but allow her to vent and complain if she needs to do so. The bridesmaids and groomsmen should be good listeners, but avoid giving too many opinions. With a little thought and care, bridesmaids and brides can come through the wedding planning process with a stronger friendship.

Being a Good Friend and a Good Bridesmaid
In simple terms, being a good bridesmaid is much like being a good friend. Remember that this is her special day, and the bridesmaids can work to make it a happy and stress free one for her. If they can manage or handle things on their own to save her dealing with them, they should do so. Be certain to be available to the bride when needed, and expect to make time for dress fittings, appointments and more.

The maid of honor can try to negotiate relationships between the bridesmaids, be certain to fulfill any responsibilities assigned to her, and generally work to support her friend. The other bridesmaids should be helpful, supportive, and thoughtful. All of the bridesmaids should stay in close contact with one another and the bride during the wedding planning process.

If a large or formal wedding is planned, it can be helpful to take the time early on in the process to read some books on wedding planning, and express active interest in the planning process. Even a bridesmaid or groomsman living far away can provide emotional support, or perhaps organize a long distance shower. The most important part of a bridesmaid’s duties is simply supporting the bride as she plans her wedding and sets off on her new life on her wedding day.

Gift Ideas for the Bridesmaid
Unfortunately, being a bridesmaid can be a pricey proposition. They will be buying their friend, the bride, not only a shower gift, but also a wedding gift. Moreover, the bridesmaid will likely pay for your own dress and shoes. This may make finances a bit tight around wedding time, so ideas for affordable and fun gifts can be helpful at this time. Moreover, the bride and groom will likely appreciate a unique and fun gift when surrounded by boxes of china and silverware.

The best gifts are personal. If the bride and groom love movie night, consider packing a gift basket with popcorn flavorings, gift certificates for DVD rentals, and a cozy blanket. A handmade gift certificate for monthly deliveries of homemade cookies or fresh bread can be a delightful gift. Other great gift basket ideas for the bridesmaid to give could be a wine basket, with wine stoppers, a pair of glasses, a corkscrew or a spa basket outfitted with massage oil, soft slippers and more. Also, if the bridesmaids have a long history with the bride or groom, consider a gift that shares some part of the joint past with the new couple. Some bridesmaids find it helpful to all pitch in together and give a joint gift to save money and allow them to gift the bride and groom with a nicer gift.

Being the Maid of Honor: Bridesmaid Above the Rest
The maid or matron of honor often has special duties at the wedding. She may even be placed in charge of some amount of wedding planning. Often the maid or matron of honor is the bride’s sister or best friend, while the best man is typically the groom’s brother or best friend. Being the maid or matron of honor is a significant responsibility, but also an honor. The other bridesmaids and groomsmen should take their lead from the maid of honor and best man. A maid of honor willing to coordinate details for the wedding party can be a great help to the bride and groom. The maid or matron of honor immediately precedes the bride down the aisle, and is responsible for a toast at the wedding reception. She will also hold the bride’s bouquet during the wedding service, and may be responsible for holding the groom’s ring.

When planning the toast for the wedding reception, make it personal, warm, and upbeat. It is a formal chance for the maid or matron of honor to wish her friend or sister well at her wedding as she moves into a new phase of her life. This may be one of the most memorable moments of the wedding for both of you, and should be special.


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